4/8/21

Today was really ...  a divine appointment. An intervention of You God. 

I started the day at 3:50am planning on going to work. Then I listened to Kaitlyn’s mental health Tik Tok and I decided to call out of work for mental health reasonings. 

I came home and talked to Kaitlyn and e-mailed Dr. Rhodes and Dr. Nirmul. I was planning for a human intervention with modern medicine and strategic coping mechanisms through therapy. 

I started my laundry and then went to take a walk. Along the way I captured beautiful images of weeds. 

When I came home I was broken. I texted Kaitlyn that I was severely depressed and sent her a screen shot of what I wrote last night.

Then, feeling completely hopeless I started my laundry and picked up around my room so I could prepare to study. 

I hopped in the shower and I melted. I fell to my knees and cried out to God and told Him how I needed Him. 

Jenn came to mind -so mid shower- I texted her to see if she was available to meet and she said she was. 

I didn’t even get dressed, I just hopped in my car and drove to Panera. I was not expecting anything more than a shoulder to cry on and lean on. What God gave me through her was words of wisdom, encouragement and scripture to fight the battle I am facing right now. 

Two months ago, to the date, I went off my medicine. Since that victory, the enemy came back stronger than ever. Literally, I was being attacked. 

It was more than spiritually. It was physically I would have bruises and scrapes that I had no idea where it came from, it would come over night. 

What God wanted me to hear today is He is my fighter at war with Satan and that I am to stand firmly in His word while He fights the war. I have weapons, but they are to protect me and help dig out the attacks of the enemy. 

What God wanted me to hear today is that He IS with me and my identity IS in Him. I am a daughter of God. I am a Queen in His kingdom. 

What God wanted me to hear today is that the enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy but I don’t have to accept that. The blood of Jesus covers me, from head to toe, in victory! 

What God wanted me to hear today is I have some walls I need to break down so I can give my heart completely to Him. I need to allow myself to lay openly vulnerable like Abraham did with Isaac and say here is my heart Lord, do whatever you want with it. 

What God wanted me to hear today is I am not alone and there are so many people out there fighting a battle that you don’t even know about but with God, ALL things are possible. 

What God wanted me to hear today is with Him there is victory, if I listen to His voice and have a conversation with Him regularly, I will be under His covering and He will guard me and He will provide. 

What God wanted me to hear today is that there is a war, but I need to magnify Him and He will fight the fight for me as I expose the enemy. 

What God wanted me to hear today is the cry of my own heart of a void I was trying so hard to fill with love and attention anywhere and everywhere I could get it from. He wanted me to come to Him in my brokenness because then, I would be absolutely receptive to every single word I would hear today. 

Instead of leaving me broken, God spoke to me and said He wants my attention and He will fill that void and that when that void is filled He will seal it with a stamp so no enemy can cross that barrier and take what God is placing firmly on that foundation. 

God is stirring something in my heart and burning it in my soul, it will be forever branded on my heart because I literally had to go through Hell to get back to God. But Zechariah 1:3 says “return to me and I will return to you” and here I am God. 

I am here and you have prepared me to fight by standing firmly on your word and looking to You in all situations. You are my healer, You are my fighter and You are my God. 

I know I have to clean house today, and give all my junk to God so he can turn my wool back to white and purify me... but now... I am ready. I am ready to surrender it all wholly and completely and be unashamed and focus whole heartedly on the path You want me to go. 

God in every way, You showed up today. 

I’ve heard before that God is there when you are at your weakest. Just turn around and He will catch you right before you fall. Well, You did and I am so thankful. 

The song by mercy me “I Can Only Imagine” means so much more to me now because if you look at the lyrics, really take a closer look... You will see that when you are with God you ARE walking by His side and seeing His face... and it made me fall to my knees and dance in His presence. Hallelujah! 

God I thank you so much for today you have rocked my world and forever changed my life. 

Thank you.