4/10/21

I quit my job today. I called them and I talked to Shontell and I told her that for my mental health I have to quit effective immediately. 

I am carrying some guilt and shame because I wanted to be able to do it all. However, I need to catch up on school and I need to focus on one thing at a time. 

Some people have the ability to intertwine their lives with different things, my focus is on school right now and on God. 

I am so overwhelmed by the amount of work I have to catch up on, but I believe I can do it. 

God has given me the spirit of self discipline and I stand firmly on His word that He is going to fight this battle for me. 

I know I have to play my part where I do the work, but as far as feeling shame and guilt for not being able to do it all, or having to go back on the medicine again, I refuse to accept it. 

So I went downstairs and made a smoothie. And I intend to be victorious through this situation and then when it is over I will give all my praise to God. I praise Him now for guiding me and giving me grace. 

God is awesome!

My parents asked me today if I was back on my medicine, and I told them yes. I told them that I have some inner healing I really need to work on and right now I need to be on the medicine to help me balance out all the chemical imbalances in my brain. 

I’m not sure how they truly feel about it and I’m not sure I’m too concerned with it. What I need right now is for my mental health to stabilize and for me to get better. 

What I need right now is to restore my relationship with God and frame an identity that He has given to me and not my own. 

What I need right now is inner healing and restoration. I am at a very open and vulnerable place, but God is my shield and my armor and I know He will see me through.

I thank God for everyday He is walking me through this. I thank Him for what He is doing in my life and I thank Him for loving me unconditionally and allowing the others in my life to love me unconditionally as well. 

I am just so thankful today for who God is, and what He is doing in my life. 

On April 7th I was broken. On April 8th I found hope. On April 9th I felt it slipping away again but I refuse to allow the enemy to take what God has given me. He has given me the authority to fight this battle and I will.